Grief is an Individual Process

Pet owners often report that their pets provide them with many mental health benefits and improve mental health overall. They offer unwavering companionship, unconditional love, acceptance, and loyalty. The support of a pet can be described as the ideal friendship. It is no surprise that they can alleviate anxiety and depression-like symptoms.

When the evitable death of a pet happens or is about to happen, it can be devastating to the pet owner. Grief sets in strong and heavy, impacting the friend left behind to the very core. Memories can flood the mind day and night resulting in little reprieve from the pain of loss. Renee who lost her dog, Charles, feels this type of pain. She struggled with anxiety and self-esteem following years of being bullied in school by her peers and later by her ex-husband. After the divorce, Renee adopted Charles. Charles quickly brought her comfort and acceptance. Their relationship helped her anxiety levels and helped her rebuild her self-esteem. He was a big part of a pivotal moment in her life. When he died from old age, she was heartbroken. Her close friend of 10 years was gone.

Renee cannot function at work following the death of Charles and needs to take time off. She does not qualify for bereavement pay because it does not cover the death of a pet. She heard from the grapevine at work that recently someone insensitively commented that she is “overreacting” by taking a week off work after her dog died. Renee searches for answers on the internet after questioning her emotions and she learns that a lot of what she is experiencing is experienced by many others grieving their pets.

Stages of Grief

Her internet search normalizes a lot of her grief experience. She learns that it is natural to feel intense grief, which comes with an array of emotions. However, during her online search, grief stages are frequently mentioned. They create confusion for her because her experience has not followed a stage-like process. 

Many people are aware of the Five Stages of Grief proposed by Kubler Ross including denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These widespread stages are often misunderstood and create confusion. They were intended to be applied to the experiences of those who were in the process of dying but are often applied to how we respond to the loss of a loved one. Kubler Ross did not want to suggest to others how to grieve or for others to assume that their grief would be a stage-like process. 

Grief is an Individual Process

Every person will grieve differently as grief is an individual process. This resonates with Renee and removes the pressure of needing to grieve in what society may view as the proper way. Her experience of grief is natural and healthy; it is by no means an overreaction. The memories she has with her dog, Charles, are important to her and she will always treasure them.

To help with her own grief, Renee has been kinder to herself about needing time off, she developed a ritual to honor her pet with a scrapbook she created, and she joined a pet loss support group in her community. The scrapbook includes her favorite memories with Charles and she finds it therapeutic to work on during some free moments. Every night when she misses Charles the most, she looks through her scrapbook and lights a candle. People in Renee’s pet loss support group engage in similar or different rituals to grieve their pets. Regardless of how they grieve, their experiences are acknowledged and respected.

Professional Support

Grief can be overwhelming and hard to navigate. It is a time that frequently comes with existential questions. Often grief can feel like and present like depression. It is not uncommon for those grieving to struggle with anxiety or other issues such as substance abuse or emotional regulation. A Psychotherapist can help normalize your experiences and work with you to address your struggles. Please Contact Us or Book Now to reserve a free 15 minute consultation. 

Please press here to access a link to a free grief resource on the website titled, Grief and Loss Reflection Questions, designed to help you with processing your grief.

We also offer a workbook titled, Effective Methods for Coping with Grief Workbook. Please press here to access the workbook. The workbook provides additional support and guidance to help you cope with your grief. It is available for purchase here.

SubscribeName *FirstLastEmail *
Submit

How the Stages of Change Help Us Understand Our Change Process

The change seeker may consider some common questions when struggling with change. Why do I keep reverting back to my old and unhelpful habits? Why does change have to be so difficult? What did Skylar try that I did not?

Thankfully there is a widespread model that helps us answer some of these questions. The Transtheoretical Model also referred to as the Stages of Change Model was developed by Prochaska and DiClemente to better understand addictive behaviors. Currently, this Model is often applied to successfully understanding the processes of various changes. It suggests that change often does not occur easily because it is more accurately understood as a constant stage process.

The Stages of Change

The Stages of Change include precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and maintenance. We will apply these stages to Deanne’s change process. Deanne is a busy and hard working 22 year old full-time University student and part-time cashier in a book store. She struggles with healthy eating and has been experiencing a lot of stomach aches.

Precontemplation is characterized by not recognizing or acknowledging that there is a problem. Deanne finds comfort in eating sweets. Recently Deanne’s doctor suggested a change in Deanne’s diet and a referral to a nutritionist. Deanne laughed this off because this is likely something doctors say to all their patients with frequent stomach aches. 

Contemplation involves recognizing that there is a problem and wanting to change. Deanne’s stomach aches continue for another half a year. She tells herself and others that she will need to change her diet because she is tired of her stomach aches. She has not yet changed her diet.

Preparation is when the steps towards change are planned. Deanne plans to call her doctor to ask for a referral to a nutritionist on Monday, to start a healthier grocery list for the next time she goes shopping, and to limit her sweet consumption once she finishes the rest of her sweets at home. 

Action is when change happens! Deanne follows through with all of her plans from the preparation stage. As a result, her stomach aches have improved significantly. In fact, this change has motivated her to change some other habits in her life, which have contributed to her being healthier than initially planned. 

Maintenance occurs when change behaviors are maintained. Deanne changed her routine to include behaviors that help her maintain healthy eating and to prevent relapse. Although sometimes she has slip ups, she is able to learn from them and to return to her healthy routine. She also makes sure to celebrate her progress such as by signing up for a cooking class she always wanted to join. 

Creatures of Habit

Initially Deanne found it difficult to change her behaviors even though they were harmful to her and caused her to have stomach aches. Like many other creatures, humans are creatures of habit. Even the most unhelpful habits create predictability, and this creates a form of safety. Like we learned in the blog post titled, The Celebration You Do Not Want to Miss, the more we practice a skill, the stronger the network associated with it becomes. Deanne has been practicing her new habits for some time now. She has realized that her new habits are becoming easier to engage in than before the more she practices.

There are some days that harder than others for Deanne. Sometimes she has little energy left for meal planning and preparation. On these days she also craves sweets although a lot of the cravings are not as intense as before. These are the type of days that can make it difficult for Deanne to engage in her new healthy habits. However, Deanne has learned that these are her vulnerable days and knows what to do when she is tempted to revert to old habits. Some vulnerable days for Deanne include exam periods and she has learned to prepare for them ahead of time such as by freezing healthy meals for herself.

The Stages of Change can give us more insight into the process of change. The changes that are made often require practice and repetition. This is hard work, but often becomes easier over time. This is because brain networks associated with the change are strengthened. Although the Stages of Change provide us with more knowledge about readiness for change, it is also important to address our unique needs when we engage in change.

Professional Support

Change is a complex process and there are a number of factors that can hinder change. For instance, when someone experiences grief, change can be a bigger challenge than ever before. Counselling support can help normalize these types of experiences and help you plan next steps if the time is right for you.  Psychotherapists are trained to support you with your individual change process in a comfortable and confidential environment. If you are wondering if this type of help is a fit for you, please Contact Us or Book Now for a free 15 minute consultation or a Counselling Session.

If you want to continue reflecting on your change process, please feel free to download our free reflection pages in our Resource Library.

SubscribeName *FirstLastEmail *
Submit